The great Aussie bonsai limerick competition

[EdwardH]

Island Bonsai is the place to see
If you like to grow small trees
A visit whiles away the day
As it's out of the way
On an island that's south of me

[Emoska]

Island bonsai's sublime inspiration,
Is Tasmania’s grand habitation,
With a gem to proclaim,
It's still anyone's game,
Let our words be our swords in contention!

[tanglefoot]

Behold.....The Natural Lifecycle of The Bonsai Limerick

It started off a trickle
And then became a tide
But as the month went slowly by
The limericks quietly died......

B.L. ....R.I.P.
Guess I'd better get back to working the trees!

[kcpoole]

Nah Tangles

It's just that the back of winter has ben broken here and we are all out busily trying to get our trees repotted

Either that or they are all awe of my no doubt winning entries and have all benn scared off

I am waiting patiently for the congratulations post
Ken

[Steven]

Sorry for the delay limerick fans!

May I commend everyone who took the time to write and submit a limerick. I have throughly enjoyed reading all the submissions and choosing 1 winner is going to be a difficult decision.
Will_IslandBonsai, FlyBri, Gocny and myself will be collaborating over the next day or 2 and will post the results by the end of the week.

The winner can choose from a Tasmanian native deciduous beech (Nothogagus gunnii) in a 140mm pot or a Pat Kennedy bonsai pot (Prizes courtesy of Island Bonsai). The chosen prize will be shipped to the winner courtesy of Island Bonsai. Please note: Due to quarantine restrictions, if the winner is from South Australia, Western Australia or overseas they will automatically receive the Pat Kennedy pot.

Some submissions have been removed from the voting process due to not actually being 5 line limericks. Tanglefoot has removed himself entirely due to being a semi professional poet .

The official entries are as follows;

1. Stymie
There's a lass who grows bonsai in Lincoln
who had a blue spruce and a pink 'un
being new to the game
she made them the same
by putting the pink 'un some ink on.

2. Stymie
Yesterday, contemplating my treez
I observed a great number of beez
Congregating in layers
On the pines and the firs
In a swarm just as large as you pleez.

3. KCPoole
There was a young bloke named Corey
That tripped on some nice Yamadori
He threw a big bonsai party
For all those that were well arty
The result ended up a big news story

4. Shannon
Dug out a fig from Bundy
Made into a bonsai on sunday
Will made an inspection
Now its in his collection
I'm getting a Pat Kennedy monday!

5. Emoska
When some mites on my Elm had invaded,
My hope for success remained bated,
After spraying them with oil,
I thought their plans I had foiled,
Until the next day it was covered in aphids!

6. Bretts
Dave Kiernan had trees for sale
He said, don't use my real name or I'll bail
But then he went next door
And the security issues were no more
I wonder if he'll read this and wail

7. Lindsay Farr
They should have been pruning 'n' weeding
Re-potting de-wiring 'n' feeding
But instead they chose prose
Silly rhymes in five rows
Gave up growing for writing and reading

8. JayC
One day I bought a fine bonsai,
And decided to share on AusBonsai.
But when I found out I was lied to,
And I started to cry too.
I chucked out the half dead fig mallsai!

9. JayC
At a raffle I won Pat K’s pot
And figure it was worth quiet a lot
So I sold it on eBay
Felt sorry the next day
Because I thought the damn thing was hot!

10. JayC
To obtain the shape I desire,
Should I pinch, prune or wire?
Wiring can leave a mark
Pruning too much looks stark
And from pinching, my fingers start to tire.

11. JayC
For sale I saw Mudlarks pot,
And found that I liked it a lot.
So I decided to bid,
And win it, I did.
But is it too good to use it or not?

12. Jarrod
I'd love to visit bonsai of the island,
Cos' dont think their trees will be bland,
next time I go south,
just from word of mouth,
I'm sure they will be in demand.

13. Stymie
A bonsai nut who'se name is draper
Has a fig with distinct lack of taper
So the gouges come out
as he claimes with a shout
"Let's see how this hardware can shape 'er".

14. FlyBri
There was once a newbie named Clyde
Bought a Mallsai which he kept inside.
As it sat on the telly,
The soil got quite smelly.
Just one week and it turned brown and died...

15. KCPoole
I was pruning on a bench too high
When stick poked me right in the eye
While sulking indoors I found AusBonsai
There is a comp by Will of Island Bonsai
A chance to win a Nothogagus Gunnii

16. KCPoole
While browsing the web I found AusBonsai
With a post by Will from Island Bonsai
There was discussion about a root Base
Nothing as yet by the bloke called Ace
But a competition to win a Nothogagus Gunnii

17. Stymie
In addition to trees I keep goats
They have to be fed hay and oats
For bonsai, the feed
is different I'll cede
I'll have to swot up and take notes

18. Stymie
The cost of package fertiliser
Has risen and as I'm a miser
I'll use excrement
to make a large dent
In the price of the feed now that's wiser.

19. KCPoole
Here we are at Bonsai Summit
We are all glad we finally Dunnit
with Brett, Steven, tmaster and me
I hope that next year if will be free
I hope for the limerick comp I now have wonit

20. Emoska
A recent Ausbonsai endeavor,
Marked a contest of verse for whomever,
To win the top pick,
Begged a skillful limerick,
But mine was not funny or clever!

21. Spinner
My passion is playing with trees
It leaves me fair weak in the knees
Ausbonsai enables
Upon revolving tables
Manipulative wire bondage...yes please!

22. Stymie
This tree that I dug from the ground
appeared to be perfectly sound
But an absence of flair
made me graft some roots there
Now the nebari's nice all around.

23. Emoska
Bonsai is an art to apply,
To the mother of earth and the sky,
With the dwarfing of trees,
And the styling of leaves,
Here’s hoping the next one won’t die!

24. Lindsay Farr
slender limbs bound, lines that heighten the senses
sturdy trunks benched behind tall wooden fences
those powerful pinus
with form convoluted
they're hard to keep small when they're really well rooted

25. Eyleene
There was a young lady from Telstra
who didnt know what bonsai are
she found a website
that soon put her right
Ausbonsai the best one by far !

26. Spinner
I'm a newbie I'm forced to confess
My wiring is all of a mess
But I've learnt my lines well
So you never could tell
Now I can b******t along with the bes'

27. Spinner
If it's a crack-pot that rings your bell
And Penny's not ready to sell
Better ask Lynette
For here's a bet
Bloody Pat's not going to tell!

28. Stymie
Two goats of mine, 'Taipan' and 'Hearty',
decided to have a nice party
The tree branches low
They nibbled and so
One style is left now, LITERATI.

29. Stymie
The weather here got so much rainier
I had to mix soil that is drainier
It turned out much fitter
with hard baked cat litter
I think the result is much brainier

30. Spinner
A stymied goatherder from Yorkshar
Sought to dazzle us with his bantar
You should have the pot
But that's your lot
Wave goodbye again to the ashes, sar!

31. Pat Kennedy
I feel for me ol' mate, Spinner
It's true that he's not a grinner
But it may yet unfold
That in ways untold
He can still emerge a winner!

32. FlyBri
It seems there's this fella named Stymie
Whose talent had somehow slipped by me
His quick turn of verse
Never bitter or terse
And his Bonsai make me think: "Corrr blimey!"

33. Shannon
Joined the ausbonsai forum
Hoping to cure the bored'em
We all went hooray
There's a competion you say
Pat Kennedy's pots I horde'm

34. KCPoole
Aaron from tas thinks they are a hoot
Me i'd prefer to go play with a root
No not the the dirty kind
oooh never you mind
More like this one I might get the boot!

35. Chris
i looked to the sun and then with glee
i saw a potential bonsai tree
i dug and i dug my freinds thought i was a mug
they sent to ausbonsai to see
whether this mamath tree was worthy of me

36. Chris
i was feeling so lost
my brain was a frost
then i found that ausbonsai was for me
there is nothing more beautiful
than a small bonsai tree

37. Emoska
A contest of lyrical artistry,
For the clique of Ausbonsai's community,
With a prized pot and beech,
Within each member's reach,
This challenge is bound to get dirty!

38. Spinner
My tears arrived thick and fast
As Tangles' aspersions were cast,
Now I've practised my grin
But imagine the chagrin
Of finding that grins do not last.

39. Lindsay Farr
yama momiji nebari thats wabi
shishigashira shari jin that's sabi
Tok-o-nama pot
bears the hanko of Ono
please bear with me while I slip on my kimono

40. Pat Kennedy
Young Will has sought to inspire
The bards of AusBonsai entire
We struggle with rhyme
And metre and line
For a prize that some may desire.

41. Emoska
A hundred 'n nine trees in Bill's pen,
"The limit's at fifty!" he'd said,
Then one day at the outlet,
He spotted a Privet,
Now his collection’s one hundred and ten!

42. Webos
T'was walking my dog and fell over,
On a short fat and stumpy Zelkova
With a twinkle in my eye
I ran home and I
returned riding 'pon my bulldozer

43. EdwardH
Ausbonsai is a site we know
That bonsai nuts are want to go
We surfed the net
Then said what the heck
This site's the way to go

44. EdwardH
Ray is a man I admire
To his level do I aspire
He grows bonsai aplenty
He also sells plenty
Yet mine are stuck in the mire

45. EdwardH
Island Bonsai is the place to see
If you like to grow small trees
A visit whiles away the day
As it's out of the way
On an island that's south of me

46. Emoska
Island bonsai's sublime inspiration,
Is Tasmania’s grand habitation,
With a gem to proclaim,
It's still anyone's game,
Let our words be our swords in contention!

That ends the list of eligible entries.

Now for your pure enjoyment, a compilation of Tanglefoots limericks;

A bloke on an outback safari
Found a tree with terrific nebari
So he got out his spade
And a fine bonsai he made
So he got his mates round for a barbie!

...

An Aussie was out, wearing boots
Tripped over a fine set of roots
So he whipped out his spade
Made a sharp lightning raid
And now it's back home growing shoots!

...

A LESSON LEARNED (maybe)
I looked at my tree with a frown
Then I wired a likely branch down
It looked really slick
Gave myself the big tick
But by next week, the damn thing was brown!

...

They worked on their plants by the day
It was cold, but the mania held sway
But it's not such a lark
To work in the dark
So a touch of the verse (unfortunately, whether you like it or not) comes your way

...

Them Winter Bonsai Blues
I'm a trusting them days will come longa
I'm trusting that 'ol sun will come stronga
I get them chiblaines you see
It aint no fun for me
Just a wee drop more warmth, I'd be fonda

But now I've gotten myself a good plan
I'll build a tunnelhouse here on my land
With a polythene wrap
Tied down, not to flap
Then I'll be a happier, a-bonsaiing man

...

For bonsai exotique it is normal
To have the foliage displayed somewhat formal
But our treescape down under
Just fills me with wonder
It's looser, it's wilder.....well informal!

...

An entrant with verse, name of spinner
Is hitting the rhymes like a winner
But like it or not
He wont see the pot
It'll probably go to a grinner!

...

A good looking bonsaist named Dick
Had a very impressive big (yes...stick)
he thought it would grow
He watered it, you know
But Richard, it turns out, was thick

The limericks have been put in a spin
By some fella, practicing a grin
I say, "Cor blimey
He's taking off Stymie
I aint never heard such a thing!"

Some folks like thick trunks on their tree
More solid, couldn't possibly be
But I must say at best
I find some grotesque
It's something more sylph-like for me!

...

For Bruce, bonsai was life
in the zone.....he wanted no strife
But he was at it so long
Somehow things just went wrong
Now he's looking for another good wife!

Whereas Rodney, it seems, has a plan
He bonsai's as much as he can
Even though it enthralls
He knows thats not all
He's the well balanced, considerate man!

Now Luke, he was careful.....he knew
He snuck off, bonsaid elsewhere, stayed true
But one day a surprise
Couldn't believe in his eyes
'Cause his wife was off bonsaing too!

...

Behold.....The Natural Lifecycle of The Bonsai Limerick
It started off a trickle
And then became a tide
But as the month went slowly by
The limericks quietly died......

B.L. ....R.I.P.

[Joel]

Amazing rhymes! I know which ones my favorite

And people say we moved into bonsai because we wernt artistic enough for the "real stuff". . . . .

JayC

[kcpoole]

Amazing rhymes! I know which ones my favorite

And people say we moved into bonsai because we wernt artistic enough for the "real stuff". . . . .

JayC

All I can say is that my high school english teacher would be having fits of amazement right now. If I won he would turn in his grave

[Pup]

Amazing rhymes! I know which ones my favorite

And people say we moved into bonsai because we wernt artistic enough for the "real stuff". . . . .

JayC

All I can say is that my high school english teacher would be having fits of amazement right now. If I won he would turn in his grave

So would I Pup

[stymie]

For some reason, my submission numbered 29 has had the last line omitted in transit. You don't know what you're missing.
It was fun wasn't it folks? Let's do something similar again sometime.

[Steven]

For some reason, my submission numbered 29 has had the last line omitted in transit. You don't know what you're missing.

Fixed, sorry Don. I think the result is much brainier - now

[EdwardH]

There are some very good limmericks in that bunch. I am glad that I don't have the job of choosing the winner as there would be a whole lot of ties for 1st, 2nd & 3rd prize!

[Will_IslandBonsai]

BREAKING NEWS: LIMERICK WINNERS REVEALED........................TOMORROW!

G'day to all you appreciators of limerick. The time is almost nigh to reveal the winners! Yes, winners. I have had a very good month and accordingly,(also because of the high standard of Ausie limerick) I am delighted to be able to award the Pat Kennedy pot and the naked Nothofagus gunnii for first and second prizes.

The judging panel has been in lockdown for weeks now, in a secret location, and there has been much lobbying and consumption of strange and potent liquids, none of which made the task at hand any clearer. The top spot has been unanimous, however the high quality of work competing for runner-up has made it very difficult to select for the silver medal. Accordingly, there will be a prize for the gold and silver positions and no prizes, but much kudos, for a host of runners-up, equally taking out the very meritorious bronze position.

I might add....of course....that the judges decision is final.....no further correspondece will be entered into....etc etc

The reason I can't quite announce the winners yet, is because my good Tasmanian friend Tanglefoot, has insisted that he be allowed to put the results into verse (and what could I say? He's helped me with the design of many trees!) so hopefully tomorrow, we'll know how it all went. Good luck to all you budding limerickists, and thankyou to Steven for setting it up.....Ive certainly enjoyed watching the poetry roll in, and especially some of the rhyming banter between folks who obviously know each other.

So till tomorrow then, and Tangles take......

[kcpoole]

Gawd the suspense is killing me

I can hardly wait to see which one wins as I cannot pick them apart, there is so many good one here that I do not envy your job

Ken

[Will_IslandBonsai]

AND THE WINNER IS...............

Congratulations to all those who entered verse in the GREAT AUSSIE BONSAI LIMERICK COMPETITION, surely a world first!!
And extra congratulations to the two winners, soon to be sent their prizes, a Pat Kennedy pot and a Nothofagus gunnii, courtesy of Island Bonsai (bonsai with Tasmania's unique flora).

Tanglefoot has come out of retirement and put the results to verse:

And The Winner Is

And the winner is, without a doubt
the English Gent....deserves a shout!
It's Stymie takes the treasured pot.........
Congratulations sir!!
A vessel from the antipodes
soon enough will wing your way....

Your verse, concise and crisp
and often with a welcome twist.....
Your place is well deserved

The second prize, a rare but treasured Tasmanian tree
will go less far.......to Lindsay farr
His winning limerick took by a hair's-breadth
second place
It was a very close run race!

So congratulations to you too
The tree so rare and special
will be a worthy challenge

But barking closely on his heels
these six limerickists appeal
their work a titch away from stardom.....

T'was Shannon with his fig from Bundy
Spinner (verses every day!...including Sundy)
And young Pat Kennedy, whipped out a few
Emoska had a little beauty
FlyBri also had some lovely rhyming
and then to rhyme with a Zelcova
was Webos with his own bulldozer!

-------------------------------------------------------------- Tanglefoot (14.8.09)

Thanks Tangles. And now I'm going to post this, and start another post, cause the damn connection dropped out on me not long ago and I lost the lot!!!!!

[Will_IslandBonsai]

OK... back again! Cogratulations winners, I will contact you re. getting your prizes posted.

The gems from Stymie featured

There's a lass who grows bonsai in Lincoln
who had a blue spruce and a pink 'un
being new to the game
she made them the same
by putting the pink 'un some ink on!

Yesterday, contemplating my trees
I observed a great number of bees
Conregating in layers
On the pines and the firs
In a swarm just as large as you please

(sorry Stymie...I edited it...didn't like the zzz's)

In addition to trees I keep goats
They have to be fed hay and oats
For bonsai, the feed
is different I'll cede
I'll have to swat up and take notes!

Two goats of mine, 'Taipin and Hearty'
Decided to have a nice party
The tree branches low
They nibbled and so
One style is left now, LITERATI

Plus some others from Stymie, also very good reads! Very, very entertaining Stymie....well done!
We'll expect a photo of your artistry in the new pot in due course.